Restoring the Tradition
We haven’t done this in a few years, but here we go again. The dreaded Palma Turkeys of the Year. There was a lot of dry meat to chew on this year — in advertising, sports, society — and the rest was political gravy.
So without a big buildup, nobody asked me but, here are your Turkeys:
NOT-SO COLD TURKEY: Juul. They said they were targeting smokers that wanted to quit. They were really targeting young non-smokers. They hooked a new generation on nicotine as a result. Gong.
TURKEY NECK: The Sport of Football. As a society, the USA (and our North American neighbor Canada) is alone in this world of thrill-seeking violence-as-entertainment. Is it any wonder we also have weekly mass shootings? Is it any wonder we elected hate-speaking, violence-provoking national leadership? Not to me. Knowing what we know about CTE’s, how can we conscionably accept the “sport” of American football? Unless we consider the players’ lives expendable, how can we support this as a society? So, friends to the Left, get off your high horse about gun violence if you are a football fan. And, my friends to the Right, at least you are true to your nature if you root for this killer sport, I commend you for that. But Palma says, the entire sport deserves the death penalty on every level.
TURKEY BORSCHT: Gary Vaynerchuk. I admire a guy that came to this country like my great-grandfather without a dollar, new to the English language who makes something of himself. What I don’t admire is rubbing our noses in it. It would be sufferable if the intrusion of constant content was anything but a pompous blinding glimpse of the obvious. All judgment aside, it’s about the work. This is the guy’s Super Bowl spot: https://www.campaignlive.com/article/planters-super-bowl-spot-gets-nuttier-charlie-sheen/1524212. Palma says, the work always speaks for itself.
TURKEY SPRITZ: Brown-Forman. What’s the name of that evil industry using flavored products to attract teenage users? The beauty and the curse of American capitalism is that we can mass produce firewater. Check out the Jack Daniels flavored Country Cocktails portfolio.
TURKISH CIGARS: Rudy Giuliani. How the mighty have fallen. The guy has become an international punchline. But the joke is on us. His rap sheet reads like Paul Manafort’s. He owns more smoking guns than you would find after a hunting trip with Dick Cheney. Palma says he would never join a cigar club that would have America’s Mayor as a member.
TURKEY ON STEROIDS: The Sport of Baseball. In case you lost track: there were more pitches thrown, strikeouts, extra base hits and home runs (by 1,200 hr’s) in 2019 than any season in major league history. Yawwwwnnnn…Palma took the year off from the game, watching less than 100 innings total. It was more exciting watching paint dry.
TEAM DIVISION TURKEY: Atlanta Braves. Since we’re on the topic of baseball, the Braves edge out the Cleveland Indians here, thanks to the denigrating Tomahawk Chop. Palma asks, where is Chief Nokahoma?
ELDERBERRY SAUCE TURKEY: Elton John. The biopic, the tell-all book, the farewell tour. It’s a little bit funny, but I’m all Eltoned out. Is he really that interesting? He didn’t even write the lyrics. 70’s rock star gets hooked on booze, drugs and sex. Now, that’s a new narrative, huh? Palma says the autobiography was a little TMI.
TURKEY BASTER: Michael Jackson. The documentary left no doubt in my mind that
this guy was a Smooth Criminal. Shame on us all for looking the other way. Our moth-like penchant for the limelight is blinding. Palma says, stop the love you save.
IF IT LOOKS LIKE A TURKEY: Mitch McConnell. Doesn’t he?